No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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