At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
