just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
