the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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