Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
