When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
