I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
