Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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