need another drink. this is the easiest way
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
