Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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