The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
