I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
