Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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