I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
