there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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