Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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