so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So apparently I’m into choking now
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