it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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