can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
