Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
This house was built for laser tag.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
