So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize