I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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