My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
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