Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize