I'm going to jail i love you
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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