I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
