the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
