i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Damn victory sex feels great
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
