You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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