two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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