somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
