Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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