9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
