Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
