she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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