he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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