I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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