True but thats because hes a fetus.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
