You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
