Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
