New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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