my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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