Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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