At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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