Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
