My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
