textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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