I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
