I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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