My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
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