thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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