he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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