i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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