Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
