Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
