I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
