She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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