Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
