Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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