I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize