does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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