ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
