We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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