i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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