then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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