so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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