I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize