Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
