omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
