I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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