peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
