just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
