I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Sext me about skeletons
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
