hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
