How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
