I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
