how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
