a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
