I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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